You tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
less volatile, less awake
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love
If you reveal everything, bare every feeling, ask for understanding, you lose something crucial to your sense of yourself. You need to know things that others don’t know. It’s what no one knows about you that allows you to know yourself.
Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are going to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; But eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, Stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them.
If I have learned anything over this last year it’s that you have to live your own life too so that if something we hoped for doesn’t work out, you still have two legs to stand on, you still have your own path.
I always hear “It’s okay not to be okay” and for a while I needed to hear that, but there was something else I needed to hear but didn’t realize until today. I was struggling with guilt about moving on and leaving the past behind and healing myself.
My therapist said this:
“It’s okay to be okay. It is okay to move on. It is okay to heal. It is okay to be happy. It is okay to be alright. You are not deserting anyone. You are not abandoning the people still in the dark place. You are taking care of yourself and there is NOTHING wrong with that.”